So it’s that time… as the year comes to a close…. a time of reflection (at least for me it is)… I’ve realized that the older I get, the more I understand and the more I’m in love with life. I have so many things to be thankful for past and present.
I recently started doing a little research on people’s triggers (mainly because I realized that I had some triggers that I knew I had to work through) and how they operate and react to them. Pavlov’s dog’s theory (thank you Sara), if you will.
In his initial experiment, Pavlov used a bell to call the dogs to their food and, after a few repetitions, the dogs started to salivate in response to the bell. Pavlov called the bell the conditioned (or conditional) stimulus (CS) because its effect depended on its association with food. He called the food the unconditioned stimulus (US) because its effect did not depend on previous experience. Likewise, the response to the CS was the conditioned response (CR) and that to the US was the unconditioned response (UR). The timing between the presentation of the CS and US is integral to facilitating the conditioned response. Pavlov found that the shorter the interval between the bell’s ring and the appearance of the food, the more quickly the dog learned the conditioned response and the stronger it was. – Wikipedia – T.L. Brink (2008) Psychology: A Student Friendly Approach. “Unit 6: Learning.” pp. 97–98.
So basically (I’m not comparing anyone to a dog… I just thought it was interesting), the mind is conditioned by the past, therefore we are conditioned by the past and are forced to reenact the past over and over until we break the pattern. Otherwise, we become our past and let it define us. There’s a difference between our life experiences shaping who we are and letting negative interactions define us. If someone told you that you wouldn’t amount to anything and you actually believed them, let that poison infest your mind and your thoughts…. you might think that’s who you are and let it define you. If you stay present, realize that whoever told you that was trying to project a false sense of self and their own ego was in their way… I believe that this could be the beginning of breaking the pattern… at least for me.
**Someone with low self-esteem will put you down in order to make themselves feel better and superior. It’s not you. It’s them.** – Anonymous
Men typically will do this more than women. They will tell the woman that they are with that no other man will ever want them because of (insert flaw here), that they’re too this and not enough of that, to again over power their thoughts and emotions making them actually believe that the only man they can ever have is the one that treats them like shit. The men that do this have very low self-esteem and get off by putting other people down. They think it’s “tough love” sometimes when really, it’s their ego. It’s an emotional rollercoaster of nice times and horrible times (that in most cases outweigh the nice times) until someone finally makes the decision that they were so afraid to make because they thought they would be left alone forever. When they realize their own worth… the reality of the situation hopefully sets in. They would rather be left alone forever, than feel alone with the person they were with.
**”Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” – Buddha**
In conclusion, I am thankful. Thankful for everyone in my life, past and present. I’m thankful for the people whom I thought were my friends but really were just lessons. Thankful for relationships that showed me who and what I want/need/deserve in my life. Thankful for my supportive family and friends that I can always count on without judgement. Thankful that I am aware enough and can be present enough to recognize my triggers and not react the way I used to. I’m thankful for change.
