11 Things they don’t tell you about Motherhood

It can be isolating and lonely.

I’m already an introvert and I was never one of those new moms that wanted everyone in my house and holding my baby, but I never knew how isolating motherhood would be (for me) across the board. I’ve never had that “tribe” that people always talk about, and my husband and I have just had to figure it all out on our own. And I’m quite frankly so thankful for never finding that “tribe” because it brought my husband and me so much closer and we are our own tribe. So don’t let that word deter you from making your motherhood journey what it needs to be for YOU. Not for anyone else.

Breastfeeding can be difficult.

Not everyone can automatically breastfeed out the gate, and not every baby latches perfectly from birth. All of my babies took time, and I took time to learn each. My firstborn breastfed for 22 months, my second breastfed for 2 months, and my third breastfed for almost 36 months. I wrote a blog post about whether or not breastfeeding was as magical as other people portray it to be and you can read it here. Don’t be afraid to hire a lactation consultant either. I use one each time I have a baby and they can be lifesavers. And also, fed is best, so if formula feeding is best for your family then you do you babygirl.

All babies are different.

Just because you heard that someone else’s baby slept through the night at 3 weeks, doesn’t mean that your baby will. It COULD happen but don’t base your expectations of your child on someone else’s experience. You’ll only be disappointed and more than likely just be harder on yourself and you don’t need that my friend. This too shall pass.

• spoiler alert … all kids eventually sleep through the night.

All bodies do not “bounce back” after pregnancy.

Seriously. In the world of Instagram and TikTok, it’s easy to have a higher expectation of yourself and your body after baby, and I’m here to tell you that it’s not always a “bounce back” type of situation. Give yourself some grace and cut yourself some slack in the body department. You just grew a baby and your body is magical if you ask me. You will eventually get back to yourself, but for now, soak up the moments with your new baby because those tiny moments won’t stay for long. Read more about my journey here.

You will feel the most pressure from yourself.

Everyone will chime in to give you advice about anything and everything, but the one that will be the most critical of your choices will be you. Remember that you DO have motherly instincts and that you have to center yourself to be able to tune in and hear them. You are doing a great job mama. This too shall pass.

It’s exhausting – both physically and mentally.

Between the sleepless nights, the keeping up with the daily schedules, trying to remember to feed yourself too… it’s exhausting. Take it one day at a time and remember to breathe through the uncomfortable times of your day. Take some time to do something for YOU. Whether it’s a bath alone, or sitting outside alone for 5 minutes with a hot cup of tea, it’s important to carve out some time so that you can feel a bit more refreshed and be everything you need to be for your baby. Here’s my 5 things to do for yourself as a mom, post.

It’s not always love at first sight, and that’s ok.

After I had my firstborn, I felt like I had been kicked in the chest by an elephant and I was so disoriented that I was confused as to why they would let me leave the hospital with this baby that I was supposed to take care of. She didn’t latch right away and I had to get a lot of help from a lactation consultant and I had to use nipple shields for the first 3 months. It took me a bit to really get my hormones back in order and to get with it, but after I bonded with her it was and still is the most magical experience.

The Fourth Trimester

The Fourth Trimester is defined as the 3 months following your baby’s birth. We take this time very seriously. Thankfully, we’ve been able to take this time off from everything except the necessary doctor appointments and whatnot, but with our first child, we didn’t even turn the TV on during this time and only had meditative music playing from morning to night. It was one of the most transformative times in my life and I cherish the Fourth Trimester every time. Obviously, we can’t have a quiet house with each new baby that we add to our family, but that time will always be sacred to us. It’s the time you can have to really bond with and get to know your baby right at the beginning. Remember that your baby is learning to be a baby and you’re learning to be a mama, so having sacred time for bonding is an essential part of learning each other and growing together.

The Baby Blues are a thing and it’s ok to ask for help.

I think my Postpartum Depression gets a little harder with each baby and at first, I thought that it wasn’t ok and that asking for help was a sign of weakness but now that I know that it’s a sign of strength. Knowing yourself enough to know when you need help is a superpower and asking for it shows courage.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Listen, friend, don’t hold your pee in. Once you have the tiniest feeling that you need to use the bathroom, please go. I held it in once when I was 3 days postpartum and the pain I felt was worse than labor…. ok maybe not that bad, but it wasn’t good.

Grey matter.

In short, Pregnancy shrinks the brain’s gray matter, the pinkish-gray tissue continuing the cell bodies and synapses of nerve cells… basically, we’re talking about “mom brain”. It’s a real thing ladies, and it will get better… but I had no idea that mom brain was a real physical thing. Left your car keys in the freezer? Mom brain. Left the milk in the pantry instead of the fridge? Mom brain. It’s fine. This too shall pass.

To sum up, don’t forget to breathe. This to shall pass. The good and the bad. All will pass. So enjoy what you can and however you can because you ain’t never been in this kind of ‘hood, but motherhood is the best kind of ‘hood anyone could have ever imagined.